I am not the first to want you and I won’t be the last,
I don’t believe in things that are permanent but right now
I am your Alpha and Omega.
We are the starting gun and the finish line
and the burst of adrenaline at the two-thirds mark
once your will crawls over the wall.
I know what it means now when people say your heart can race,
they don’t just mean the heartbeat,
they mean the chase.
I am not the first to want you, I doubt I’m even the only one today
And fuck, I’ve watched you kiss other women,
laughed as you ran your hands up her chest
and she knotted her fingers into your hair.
I don’t believe in things built on faith but right now
I am your savior and simultaneously your supplicant sinner
Pray at my altar and I will drip golden ambrosia onto your lips,
pulling you up to me with my fingers knotted in that fucking hair.
And I will pray at yours, begging for your sweetness,
There is no one so high as not to beg for salvation.
It’s the same chase of a hunting hound after a fox,
Or a weak, desperate man after an idea.
You want to want something almost as much as you actually want it.
To have something to chase is to have a finish line, the harder the catch,
the greater the high.
I am not the first to anything to you, I am not the first in any sense of the word.
Women have fucked you, women have loved you, you have loved women,
women have been fuck-buddies with you, people have cared about you
more than you’ve cared about them and vice-versa.
The world isn’t fair.
I don’t believe in innocences or purities. Or in fairness.
No “buts” this time.
I don’t have to be your first, I just want to be your something.